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Monday, April 30, 2007

America's Next Top Model (right!)

Really. Of all the good reality TV shows lately, America's Next Top Model is probably the one that requires the least IQ to win.

- The difference between winning or losing is based on silly tasks like little acting skits, dressing up pretty and role playing. Oh my god, that must be so hard. Like much harder than Amazing Race, where you have to solve puzzles and race around the world. Must be more difficult than Survivor or Project Runway too... Oh afterall, the skill required here is "the look". Softening your hands, knowing how to smile sexily/sultry/angry but not quite angry enough/laugh/fierce or whatever very difficult scenario you're thrown into and showing expression on the face (not all humans can do that, right?)

- The photos they are judged with are picked by the photographer or the producer. Making viewers question is that really the best photo the "models" have on a roll of film? While the photographer/producer choses the photo based on his preference... Janice Dickinson, Twiggy, Tyra, Miss Jay or whatever creature they put on the judging panel may not. Newsflash to contestants, if you don't win, maybe it's because the producer found you boring.

- These girls keep crying like their task is so difficult. In season 7, they were required to act out weird scenes picked by the judges... eg, hide gracefully... dance sexily... and etc. Some of these girls can't do it because it's too difficult. They cry in the end. Our favorite lazy contestant,Anchal, gives up in every task, like always. I feel so sorry for these girls...

- The show focuses a lot on the model house... on how they interact and be bitchy with each other. Each photoshoot takes about 2 minutes to shoot and the rest is just back stabbing, talking on the house phone, chilling in the jacuzzi... a day in the life of a model. I hope they didn't break a nail.... that would be tragedy (so is the thought of wasting my precious time sitting through another episode).

- The models hear advice from Tyra Banks about how to improve. Like "giving more emotion through the eyes. Showing their passion and their desire to win this compettion... To try harder. To let go of their fear and barriers when they do a 2 minute photo shoot," not tough, it's something they should be familiar with... "BEING FAKE". But Season 7's Anchal, A.J and Eugena (and most of the contestants who didn't win)... look the same in every photo shoot. Do they not eat enough calories to have their ears work? Let alone their brain?

- One of the survivors of the bottom two of every episode will surely cry on cue when Tyra tells her she's safe. She will nod agreeingly when Tyra gives them advice on what they did wrong. What follows is one of the best acts of the show... "the repentant look". Next week, the models become the same good-looking imbecile again. So why were they crying? Maybe it's a CoverGirl test for their waterproof mascara. Not tested on animals, but on wannabe models...

- The person who goes home says something about having no regrets... That they didn't try hard enough. They've learnt a lot from the show. bla bla bla.... yawn. Whatever.

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I don't want to sleep alone (Hei Yan Quan)

Tsai Ming Liang after a career as a brilliant, uncompromising director built in Taiwan, returned to his homeland, Malaysia, to shoot another inspired chapter of his narration about deep feelings. He is Kuching born and raised... but never quite found Malaysia conducive for his deeply outspoken, provocative vision. In this movie, three characters, a young immigrant, a homeless and a young waitress rediscover themselves taking care of the other.

After being attacked and robbed in Kuala Lumpur, the homeless Hsiao Kang is taken in by some Bangladeshi workers. One of them, Rawang, lets Hsiao Kang sleep beside him on an old mattress he has found. As he nurses Hsiao Kang’s wounded body, he feels calm and contented. Is it because of the mattress or because of Hsiao Kang? Chyi, who waits tables in a small coffee shop, is also nursing someone: her lady boss’s paralysed son. Chyi hates her life. When she happens to meet Hsiao Kang, her body fills with lustful desires. However, her difficulty in finding a place to have sex with him brings home to her just how little freedom she has.

As Hsiao Kang slowly recovers, he finds himself caught between Rawang and Chyi, pleading for attention like a stray cat but equally capable of fluttering away as free as a moth. Chyi’s lady boss also develops lustful feelings for Hsiao Kang, finding that he resembles her paralysed son...

Meanwhile a heavy haze envelops the city that is so humid that it reeks of the sweat of its multi-ethnic population. These men and women and the old mattress lose their way in the haze, but perhaps find each other …

I was at The Cathay in Singapore to preview Tsai Ming Liang's latest film recently. It is hard to say how some movie critics gave it a full 5 stars rating. It was slow, very thinly scripted and for lack of a better description, very unorthodox. Every scene just reeked with realism, as they walk the alleys and slept in old shophouse, you could hear the motorcycles, the bare footsteps and creaks of somewhat disturbing real life. The scenes are often still and melancholic... with very little soundtrack (or dialogue) except for what was playing on the radio.

The director did say, he is very anti-convention. He said in his own words "what you want as an audience, I will not give it to you". Basically, saying there will be no heroes, no villain, no explosion or happy ending and incidentally not much of a story either.

At the preview was Lee Kang-Sheng, Pearly Chua, Tsai Ming Liang (director) and Norman Atun... It's hard to recommend the show for general viewing as it may not be everyone's cup of tea. But if you're into a little art film and very experimental or symbolic films that push the boundary of what we define as film and entertainment, then please.... do give "I Don't Want To Sleep Alone" a viewing.

His films will arrive in Malaysia for the first time in limited arthouse showing. Tsai Ming Liang is probably the most internationally celebrated Malaysian filmmaker, yet back home, few have seen his films, and not one of his films have been released in the cinemas. You might not find this DVD released anywhere back home, so if you do get a chance to catch this "once-banned, now un-banned" film in Malaysia, please do. But the Malaysian release will have about 5 or six cuts.... which I was told amounts to almost 30 minutes of the film.

All I can say is, hope you brought lots of coffee...

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My Birthday!

Ok, seriously people. What's up with soft toys as birthday presents? What am i to do with it? I am too old to sleep with one. Besides, I have like 100 of them in boxes back home. I can't display them at home, it's just too kiddy and you have to admit, they are cute, but not THAT cute. Very often immediately after I get them, they end up in the closet. If anything, they are lazy, thoughtless and gifts I wish I could recycle.

Not that I am picky and demanding, when it comes to birthday presents. But some thought into the purchase would be nice. I wouldn't even mind a pair of nice socks... a bottle of shampoo that I really like... how about a bottle of cheap wine, so I can get plastered and forget it was bad in the first place? God, anything but another soft toy! PLEASE!

Oh, but on a nicer note, I did get a bottle of Chanel's Egoiste Platinum from a close friend. Wonderful. I've used it before and have always loved the masculine scent. Designed by Chanel in 1993, Egoiste Platinum (for men) is a sharp, spicy, lavender, amber fragrance with great lasting qualities. To me, it smells like a modern homage to the old Hollywood glam and masculinity. A little Fred Astaire. A little debonaire. Not metrosexual, like most modern scents marketed for men...

This one's special. It's a classic.

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Wednesday, April 18, 2007

TV Shows That Should Get The Boot

A poll on shows what viewers would like to see cancelled from their TV Guide. Of course we all can guess what's on top of the list - LOST. There's no reason to doubt that the show's lost it after the first season. How big is the island anyway? I know of a lot of people who would like to see the show get the axe, or the bomb, or the radioactive waste... or the plague.. or....

Coming in close are two good shows, or formerly good shows, The Simpsons and ER. Age has caught up with these shows and their original target audience have moved on and grown up (but the shows haven't). I personally find The Family Guy, American Dad and the totally hilarious Drawn Together, speaks better to this generation and project more societal and cultural relevance than The Simpsons. Plus, we all know that 'ER' is no longer a match for McDreamy and McSteamy.

But surprisingly, coming in fourth on the most unwanted TV show list is... Desperate Housewives! It seems viewers have had enough of its forlorn and crazy plots that seem to go nowhere. Does everyone fuck everyone on this street? I'm sorry, Edie and Carlos? Many (including me) desperately wants the show to end its own misery like Mary Alice did... clean, fast and painless.

Note: Poll correct as of 1:24pm, April 18 2007. Oh, by the way, tomorrow is my birthday!

For more information on the poll check out They even have their own round-up of Top 5 TV shows that should be canceled.

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Monday, April 16, 2007

Me Working My Humps Off

You can read my tech reviews and other write-ups for FACES magazine here.

I've been contributing to FACES magazine for nearly 5 years now. From the time I was fresh out of university, just wanting to try something new... to this day, doing it full-time. Back then, the thought of contributing to magazines and newspapers never really crossed my mind. I was just too busy deciding whether I loved or hated being in the advertising industry.

So by 2003, I was already contributing to FACES magazine, thanks to the encouragement of my friend, who is also the editor of the mag. She said "just write me a sample tech story, a free topic tech write up of 1,000 words and we'll decide from there". So I did a tech article on MP3 players, which was big news back in 2003 (and in many ways still is today).

Based on my keen passion and knowledge of techie stuff, it seemed like a good idea, but I was unsure of my writing ability. Sure, I have written lots of essays in college and university, but will it be interesting and good enough that everyday people who pick up the magazine would want to stop at my page and read them? The editor-in-chief read it and loved it, so my first article was published. From there, I took up my permanent work as a Client Servicing Executive in an advertising agency and worked both jobs. It was hard work, my advertising work demanded long hours and finding time to write was near impossible.

Thanks to an incident in Sept 2003, when I lost my Apple iBook which I had bought using my credit card, I had no choice but to persevere with both jobs in order to make enough money to pay off a laptop computer that I don't own anymore. I left my laptop in the car for 30 minutes to grab a quick late dinner before heading home from work on a weekday. I was dog tired at 11pm and someone broke into my car and stole my precious iBook. I was just seated about 40 meters away and my car was ironically parked in front of a church! However, my vision of my car was blocked by a white van, so I couldn't see what happened from where I was eating.

So there, the tragic story of my first Apple iBook ownership. I had the laptop for barely 3 months. It was a difficult time, for the next few days, I was extremely paranoid and began questioning the virtues of mankind. You're constantly looking over your shoulders and checking if the car is locked and safe. You can't sleep at night wondering if your house is broken into... you're not working well because the spot that your laptop used to occupy is now a vacant real estate on your table... It was just a shitty time.

But thanks to FACES magazine, I was able to pay off that instalment rather quickly. And a few years on, I have a Apple Macbook (black). I have also learnt my lesson - I will never again leave my laptop computer in the car. I've been writing a lot for the magazine since 2003, and believe I've grown a lot together with the mag... so.... have a read.

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Diva on a bus!

Remember my ealier post on the bus uncle? Here's a new bus uncle... but now, instead of the villain, this old chap plays the good guy. While the skinny young man, plays the villain with an attitude. It has no subtitles, so you'll have to make do with Cantonese audio.

The video shows how far society has come... and how bitchy skinny bitches can be such a prick. Either that, or the lesson should be "divas should ONLY take cabs..."

Note: The video depicts a young man, who refuses to give up the seat next to him (although it is only occupied by a medium sized paperbag) for a 82 year old man who's standing in the bus. All the passengers on the bus are jeering at the skinny young passenger but he refuses to show remotely any concern until the police arrives. I bet this skinny guy goes home to his little 500 sq ft one bedroom flat and asks his mum to sleep standing too, while he cuddle his little pink bolster and roll around in his Powerpuff Girls king-sized sheets.

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Thursday, April 12, 2007

Nelly Furtado Punk'd

Is Punk'd getting Tir'd or what? It's not as funny or as outrageous as before.

How come Ashton still looks like shit after all these years? His hair looks the same, his face looks the same, he sounds the same and he wears the same shit. Miss Do-Me Moore must have him on a contract saying that she'll only do him if he looked like the first time they dated, ALWAYS. Cause the last time she married, Bruce got bald and old.. and she doesn't like that, huh?

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007


I ordered KFC for lunch today. (No no no, this is not one of those pathetic posts documenting what I ate for lunch...)
I wanted to order something to eat, since being alone at home means I am just too lazy to walk out to the food court, I thought of doing delivery instead. You know how it is, going out to eat alone. You just come across to people as sad, lonely and taking up too much space in a table for four. But when you share a table you're made to feel like a communial loser... cause you're eating alone, even if you're the first to arrive at the table!

Here goes the phone call to the KFC - Kentucky Fried Chicken hotline.

KFC: *ring* *ring* Hello, Please press one for Pizzahut... press two for KFC
Kenny: *toot*
KFC: Hello, KFC delivery... may I take your order, Sir?
Kenny: Yes, I'd like to order delivery... Is there a minimum order for KFC?
KFC: Yes, the minimum order is $12 and there will be an additional $2 delivery charge.
Kenny: What is the best option for a person who's eating alone?
KFC: How about a couple meal, Sir?
Kenny: Isn't that a lot? Four pieces of chicken and all that side dish, plus popcorn chicken? How about something with a Zinger burger, I don't mind topping up a Zinger set with more expensive items to make $12.
KFC: I'm sorry. Zinger is only available as ala carte.
Kenny: Ok, then I'll have a Zinger burger, two piece chicken and cheese fries.
KFC: Cheese fries cannot be delivered sir. They will become soggy.
Kenny: (well, I've had soggy ones even when I am at the restaurant, what's the difference?) Ok... ummm... How about a two piece set and a Zinger?
KFC: I'm sorry, Sir. The two piece set is for dine in only.
Kenny: Oh is it? (is my delivery coming from a special restaurant that only does delivery? or is the chicken different? or this restaurant has never packed a two-piece set in a take away box?)
KFC: So do you still want the couple set, Sir?
Kenny: Ok ok... fine just give me a couple set. But can I request for no breast meat please.
KFC: Ok, i will put in your request for breast meat but it is subject to restaurant availability.
Kenny: NO. I don't want breast meat!
KFC: Oh ok, sir. The total would be $14.95, including the $2 delivery charge and the delivery time is 45 minutes. Is that ok?
Kenny: Yea... sure (dejected tone).
KFC: Please down your delivery number... 754221
*hang up*

The four pieces chicken came as two wings, one lousy thigh and a huge breast meat. But that's beside the point. Ok, if I'm eating with my friend, we'd gladly eat something else instead. Heck, if I have company, I'll gladly go out and eat. DUH! Sometimes delivery is meant for single people too... why can't KFC be accomodating? All these strict do and don'ts are just putting me off. Why am I forced to have a couple's meal when I am just eating alone...

I am already paying an extra $2 delivery charge, why can't they just friggin' deliver what I want?! If you want to charge extra for the convenience then don't impose a minimum. Do you force me to buy $12 of chicken when I am at the restaurant? NO YOU DON'T. Do you say, oh no sorry sir... our coleslaw is only meant for delivery? NO YOU DON'T... so just give me my FUCKING ORDER, GOD DAMN IT.

KFC in Singapore sucks.

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Wednesday, April 04, 2007


What the fuck? Just when you think it couldn't get any worse...

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Monday, April 02, 2007


It's April! Although I completely forgot it was April Fool's Day, this month will see the first anniversary of the famous Bus Uncle video. I know, I know, most of us have already seen it countless times before last year. But here it is anyway, just a reminder of what a bitch life can be.

The bus uncle is ridiculously vulgar. News has it he used to work in a restaurant (but had to resign following the aftermath of this embarassing incident) and was beaten by strangers who saw him on the street... For more information, point to the wikipedia link at the bottom of the post.

"The Bus Uncle" is video clip capturing a verbal altercation aboard a bus in Hong Kong on April 27, 2006.
The video clip was taken by a passenger, uploaded to HK Golden Forum, and then quickly mirrored on YouTube and Google Video. Soon after its debut on YouTube, the 6-minute video became a cultural sensation in Hong Kong and inspired vigorous debate and discussion on life and etiquette in the city. Attracting some 1.7 million hits in the first 3 weeks in May, alone, the clip became one of YouTube's most viewed items in May, last year.

Its copious use of profanity and its rhetorical outbursts attracted the attention of local and international media, and some of its utterances became catchphrases in Hong Kong and Chinese communities around the world. For more information point your browser to:

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  • Fashionista. Computer Geek. Movie Critic. Music Lover. World Traveler. Foodie. Tennis Zealot. Mac Evangelist. Goss Junkie. Bitch.
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